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The Sprint

Tuesday, September 27, 2005



Deb's watching "The Osbournes" in the other room right now. I just heard Ozzy say, "I'm the price of fucking darkness! I can't have bubbles!"

I am caught between a million things, I have self-imposed on myself, and I don't know where to start working first. So I figured I write a little. Still no baby if anyone was wondering...yeah.. I know..WTF..

My brain has become this black-hole that sucks everything in and lets nothing out (unless of course you prescribe to the worm-hole theory, in which case my brain let's stuff out, but not anywhere near anyone else.) leaving me void of any satisfaction that comes from accomplishing things.

My theory is that I am so concentrated on the coming birth that my brain's cpu cycles are occupied with only that. I do things right now but everything has 100 pound weights added to them.

But I push on. I subscribe to the "Do a sprint," mentality, where I just say to myself, "for the next 10 minutes I will attempt to accomplish as much as I can." It works. It really works. Often I end up putting in an hour or two of hard meaningful work. I even experience some satisfaction.. but it is always short lived.

posted by Doctor Pants at 8:21 PM

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Your in Trouble Now

Thursday, September 22, 2005



I just found a t-shirt to buy for Carol Anne... the worlds greatest grammarian. Link.

I have been to Norwegian language class all this week. The deep, deep concentration I usually have with most things has been reduced to a cat. 5 storm of the brain. The waiting is enough to drive me nuts. I sang a Winnie the Pooh song today called 'Forever' with new, and exciting words, ala Dr. Pants. It went something like.." Debbie will be pregnant forever. She will carry this baby.. forever!"

You see, we lost one baby after the third month. Then Deb got pregnant again right away. So technically she has been pregnant for almost a year. One year. That's a long time for a man to deal with a pregant woman. And I don't want to hear anyone gove me crap about what it is like for the woman dammit! It's my site! MINE MINE!

Anywho.. still waiting.. pinching nipples and screwing as often as I can..

posted by Doctor Pants at 10:23 PM

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Nipple Clamps

Wednesday, September 21, 2005



Still no baby! We really thought it would happen on Saturday night or Sunday morning.. but it's Wednesday and still no go.

So, I'm talking to my Mom, the other day, and she says, "Tell Debby to pinch her nipples to bring on labor." I think it was the first time my Mother has ever said anything remotely like that to me. So I asked the Doctor what the 'nipple pinch' thing is all about. He told me it had something to do with releasing the hormones that bring on the birth. Someone at school yesterday told me that having sex may also accelerate the birthing process.

I think I can do these things.

posted by Doctor Pants at 11:27 PM

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Whoa Nellie

Friday, September 16, 2005



Still here. Still alive. Still have been reading everyone's comments. Still have been reading the other bloggers out there. Just getting ready for the baby. Today is the due-date.

The bags are packed. The plans have been made. But the bun is still in the oven. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock. We are living in a constant state of readiness. We are our own veritable (but well prepared) FEMA .

To top it off I have been a little sick. It's the symptoms of switching back to a non-meat diet. Yes, I have switched back after a 2 year steak eating, who-cares, lifestyle. . When I quit eating meat before I felt so damn good that I decided it was time to go back. The switching can be painful though. Your body suddenly starts throwing shit out at a high rate and you experience some pretty nasty symptoms depending on the amount of toxins you have been carrying around. My guess is I have a lot. No worries.. It'll be over soon enough.

I'll keep all of you updated on baby number two.. Right now the contractions are at 30 minute intervals. So we have some time still...

Oh yeah.. The projects for the Discopant's Empire are still moving along... but slowly. Yeah.. I know you've heard that one before.. Depending on how the weekend goes, you may see some stuff pop up this weekend....

posted by Doctor Pants at 11:59 PM

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It's late but I must get it out...

Thursday, September 08, 2005


Back when I was with the Army Reserves in Buffalo and Chicago my job was Civil Affairs Specialist. Civil Affairs is a branch of Special Operations where "non-conventional warfare" is the specialty. Civil Affairs, from what I remember, was considered the fastest growing area of the Army. It was also (again I am stretching my brain) the most activated Reserve component in the Army back in '94.

Why was CA so important? Well, we dealt with everything from water and electricity to handing out beans and rice to the people in an occupied country. Our job was to take care of 'host' nation and insure that the US took care of their people.

So how do you train for that? Well, you simulate situations. I remember countless weekend drills where we would literally drive around our own city and assess the infrastructure. We would note large areas that could hold displaced citizens. Places like stadiums, convention centers, warehouses. The point was to know where to put large groups of people who had no where to go.. and then make sure their basic needs were taken care of. I did this training in both Buffalo and Chicago. We would then get into our designated teams and handle simulated wartime situations. It may sound a little dull, and it was at first, but as we got going it could only be described as enlightening, fascinating and a lot like a board game....

After several training periods doing this we would 'take it on the road' We would set up camp, carry our weapons, the whole 9. We even had to go out and interact with 'actors' (usually locals from the area) who were told to act like displaced, stressed-out, foreign speaking lunatics.... . The situations could be no food, no language connection, no water, snipers in the area, looters... on and on... We worked out plans for so many situations..

We did all this in the areas around where we actually lived.. We trained pretty hard if you asked me. We had actual plans for actual situations for the areas we lived in when we weren't with the Reserves... And this was pre 9/11.

My point? I can bet my left nut that there is a plan, made by CA officers and enlisted personnel, sitting on a shelf somewhere in Louisiana right now that could have done a lot of good.. But anyone who knows where to find it is probably in Iraq right now anyway..

posted by Doctor Pants at 1:50 AM

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Attitude

Tuesday, September 06, 2005



When I was a kid my step-father would look at my report card, not for the grades, but for the comments my teachers would leave. That was the most important thing to him. He was a business man and a salesman who sold pharmaceuticals and medical equipment to hospitals. He made quite a good living doing it too which leads me to believe he had/has exceptional people skills. It was his attitude that brought him success.

So, as a child, I was raised to believe that it wasn't as important what you knew but how you carried yourself. I am not perfect by any means and have done things I am not proud of. I have hurt people and betrayed friends. I have done foolish things that I still wish I could do over.. just like all of us have . But as I get older and wiser, as I continually grow to understand myself better, and as I learn more and more about people and personalities, that belief still reigns in my head. Attitude..

I am 34 now and know I won't be holding political office anytime in the near future. Through all the jobs I have had I have learned the ones with the right attitude run the business no matter what position they hold. The right attitude will bring out the best in those around you. It's contagious. It's what makes great leaders. The attitude you have, good or bad, says everything about you. It is you.

I read this today in the Editor and Publisher, a periodical that has been around longer than the internet, television and airplanes. The title read:

Barbara Bush: Things Working Out 'Very Well' for Poor Evacuees from New Orleans

Barbara Bush is GW's mother and is also the wife of another former President. She, along with her husband Herbert Walker Bush, and former President Bill Clinton have been put in charge, by GW, of fundraising efforts for the recovery.

She, along with the others mentioned, toured the Houston Astrodome yesterday.... After seeing all the people taking refuge there, after Hurricane Katrina destroyed their city, destroyed their homes, and killed many of their friends and loved ones, she had this to say:

"What I am hearing which is sort of scary is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality."

She continues:

"And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this-thiss (she chuckles slightly) is working very well for them."


This is the mother of our current President. Judging by how GW reacted before, during and immediately after the storm hit, I think he shares many of her beliefs. Her attitude speaks volumes doesn't it?


Link to story: Link

posted by Doctor Pants at 5:12 PM

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Surprise!!!!

Saturday, September 03, 2005



The Discopants and Haircuts situation room...

Hurricane Katrina update..

The complete story in one entry..


Ahh... I'll tell ya, from this side of the pond things look pretty shitty in the NOLA right now. The thing is I get most of my info from US news sources. CNN, The NYT and even Fox are tearing Bush a new asshole. Somebody is getting an extra dose of lithium tonight!!!

But let's think about this a little bit. I said to myself, "Self, I bet it is really hard to be a President. I mean, the country is so big! There's so much to look at! There's so much to be aware of! I couldn't do it... or could I?"

That's the GW and Congress excuse you probably will hear at some point. But think about it. After 9/11/01 the country went on the Homeland Security path. That is, we were going to go all around the world ridding it of any threats to the US. We were also going to secure the country and develop contingency plans for any other terrorist threats that may occur in the future. We gave more unquestioned faith in law enforcement, government and even gave a few of our rights away.. We believed that it was necessary for our safety. We were preparing for that inevitable surprise terrorist act that was not a question of if... but of when


Then came Katrina...

Katrina said this..

Well, it may have sounded more like this..

or it could have sounded a lot like this...

Meanwhile...George Bush is like...

Then the storm comes... and Jim Morison is like...

And we saw the devastation and were like...



and Cheney was back home on vacation daydreaming..


and O'Reilly was like ...


and Rove was like...


and then Bush was like.. I know now it's a big deal but..


and again the American people were like..



So Bush offered help like..



Now a week has gone by since we first knew Katrina was coming..

Any questions? Maybe Bush isn't the best person for the job....but I have been saying that all along..

posted by Doctor Pants at 7:48 PM

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Rootin' Tootin Lootin' Good Time!


Even the cops are getting into the spirit!(mpeg video)

posted by Doctor Pants at 7:06 PM

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What a guy!



Just watched Bush give his press conference about the Katrina aftermath. Favorite quote, "We're making progress." Does he say anything else? I picture Bush in bed with Laura.

Laura:"How you doing on getting an erection?"

de Prez: "I keep fondling my balls see, I'm making progress... "

Constipated:

Secret Service: "Are you okay in there Mr. President?"

Bush: "One turd came out... I'm making progress.. See, I may have to stick my finger in my butt see...But I'm making progress. "

Listen, I know this is a big deal. I know the situation is terrible. I know there aren't a lot of options for getting out... But maybe our elected leader could make it look like he is into it. That's all. What happened to the days when our President actually threw caution to the wind and just got his hands dirty? This 'rough tough out-doorsey' guy couldn't look any more inconvenienced.

My favorite quote, "I realize that this isn't a one day problem." Could it be something with his ADD self-image that needs to remind everyone that he won't forget about this one.

Tragically Hip: "If New Orleans is sinking, then I don't wanna swim"

posted by Doctor Pants at 12:59 AM

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